{Conversations}

Matthew has a patchy beard, but this isn't 'new' news. Some men have been blessed with an aggressive form of facial hair. Sadly, Matthew is not one of those people men. However, he can grow a mustache, and as you may already know—I love mustaches! To placate me, he grows his out once in a while. Lately though, he has been complaining that his mustache makes him feel physically uncomfortable. His reasons excuses are usually something along the lines of it tickling, itching, or poking him. Normally I just ignore him since mustaches are justifiably cool. I definitely think that they are worth the 'trouble' to grow and maintain them.

Anyway, due to such hairy drama, this {Conversation} happened:

Matty: Ughhhhhhh. This mustache is driving me nuts!
Me: Why?
Matty: I swear that it's causing me to have chapped lips.
Me: How is that possible? 
Matty: I don't know. But when I shaved it off last time, these dry spots on my lips disappeared. 
Me: [Cue dubious glance.]
Matty: ...I think it's affecting my sleep. It's like I can't breathe correctly with this mustache, and so I'm breathing differently because of it, and it's causing me to have chapped lips.
Me: Do you...hear yourself?
Matty: ...?
Me: Your mustache is affecting how you sleep and breathe?